See how your mind works

The following is writing from my partner Eliott. I think its quite helpful so with his permission I post the writing here.

For the last 60 days, i have been following Ly’s teachings.

I start seeing through the programming of my mind and i can witness how i have become more relaxed and more in touch with daily life in a calm manner.

Simply because i have debunked and let go of the way my subconscious mind controlled me.

I write a daily blog about my observations, sensations, thoughts and realizations.

I would like to share with you my yesterday’s writings.

Day 59

-this morning when i went with Ly’s mum to the market and i witnessed her argue price with a seller, i felt nothing, i was completely blank and just noticing everything going on around me at the same time.

I realized that today was different; as before in my experience with being with Ly’s mum, i would often suck in her stress and have an equivalent body response. But today i felt like i was sitting and watching two birds in a cage.

-around 9h, i sat down and talked with Ly’s parents about my misdeeds, how i abused people around me and how i damaged Ly’s name and reputation, as well as my recent realizations about myself and how i want to change and fix what i have sullied.

A few weeks before that i was feeling stressed and anxious, apprehending this moment i would meet with them. But this morning, i felt calm and honest. In terms of sensation, my body was relaxed and i could feel my energy flowing well without blockage. My breathing was deep and slow. I could look at Ly’s parents in the eyes.

Since we cannot exchange in one common language well, i used translation app and it gave me a chance to pick my words. I chose them carefully and i could see i did not have to say much to convey what i wanted to say.

I feel very grateful for Ly’s parents kindness.

-Around 10am, on the way back to our house, i stopped to buy a juice by the side of the road. When i was drinking my juice, i saw Ly’s parents driving by and they saw me too.

I immediately felt weird in my stomach and a little shaking.

My mind went crazy:
“oh shit, what are they gonna think”
“Ly’s mum just took you to the market so you can save money on food and here she sees you buy some processed product right after your conversation”
“I am being that restricted i cannot buy juice anymore?”

I realized that my brain was pulling me towards this guilt / self judgment / suppressing path all over again based on delusion.
The reality was that no one cared, but my brain made it sound to me like i was a prisoner. And for some moment, i was being bombarded by thoughts to push me to feel like a prisoner.
I can see how i felt for this scheme and how long it lasted ( a good 10 minutes) before the sensations went away and i recovered my calm.

-at about 16h i was looking for a hairdresser since the barber i went last time was closed. I started driving around and passed by 1, then 2, then 3 barber shop that did not looked like i “wanted”.

When i realized that my brain was making me start a hunt, and that i was falling into an adrenaline seeking scheme again, i decided to stop at the next first hairdresser i would see.

I did, and it was fast, cheap and good. I could park the car right in front, the man inside was ready immediately, he barely talked to me, he just listened what i wanted, told me the price, he did his job and done!
I feel like it was a great decision as everything was smooth and easy.

-Tonight, as i was preparing dinner. I felt like i was watching my body cook. I felt like in a immersive VR experience.

Increasingly, i realize how putting myself fully at one task to support Ly or Leo is very beneficial to my mood and overall condition. I feel lighter and more connected to them and myself in terms of sensitivity. I feel happy to do anything while before, i would always think of anything as a “task”.

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