Questioner:
When anger arises, I return to reality, to what I am doing, feeling my body… After a few minutes, the flow of thoughts like a swarm returns, and I realize it and then return to reality, repeatedly like this… Even when I feel like I am using mindfulness to push away thoughts.

Am I practicing correctly by letting my mind settle, or as you often say, to let it be so I can understand the process of how anger arises and ceases?

Phan Ý Ly:

When anger arises, why don’t you recognize the anger instead of “returning” to something else?

Isn’t anger a part of reality?

Questioner:
Anger is a reality, yes. Sometimes I identify with anger so much that all senses seem to fade, and I just live with my thoughts. At those moments, only the mind exists and everything else is obscured. I realize that I am drowning in thoughts and then start to feel my body, my senses, and my stream of thoughts.
Reality is everything, not just anger. Instead of sinking into anger, at that moment, the only reality is anger.
It’s like watching a movie; I am still aware of the movie, the lights, the people around, the sounds, and not just focused on the screen alone.

Phan Ý Ly:

So, is there ever a need to consciously return to reality while watching a movie?
Does that mean you are forced to watch the movie, don’t want to watch it, or something else?

Questioner:
No, it’s natural. It’s just that when I focus on the screen, I become more aware of the screen than my surroundings.

Phan Ý Ly:
So, when anger arises, there’s no need to keep moving back and forth to any reality.

Questioner:
This means I am recognizing anger, while at the same time the mind is freely weaving, not that mindfulness only exists when the sky is cloudless.

Phan Ý Ly:
Exactly.
Wanting a cloudless sky is also just a form of ego striving for perfection.
Clinging to any state and considering it ideal is just ego.
True Awareness is very natural and non-choosing.

Questioner:
And here I thought that when the sun appears, all the clouds disappear and there are only birds, trees, and other things around.
I’ve been stuck for a long time. I use one thing to cover another. Thank you.