Excerpt from a Q&A on the http://nhula.net
Questioner:
Dear chị, may I ask something? For example, while riding my motorbike, I suddenly think of someone, and a feeling of sadness arises, accompanied by a sensation in my chest. After noticing this, should I just return to focusing on riding? But if I do that, I can’t observe the arising and passing of the feelings and thoughts. However, if I continue observing them and not focusing on riding, that feels like a lack of mindfulness. In daily life, we don’t always have the time to sit and observe until something fades away. What should I do in such cases?
Phan Ý Ly:
If you have to stop riding to observe, that observation is not mindfulness.
If you notice thoughts and emotions but can’t ride at the same time, that awareness is also not mindfulness.
Mindfulness—or pure awareness, as I call it—is like 360-degree seeing and knowing, simultaneously inside and out.
When you let go of clinging to emotions and thoughts, and also let go of clinging to the act of riding, you will naturally ride while seeing yourself.
Questioner:
Got it. But if I don’t stop to observe and feel the emotion fully, how can I thoroughly experience it? The biggest struggle for me right now is a feeling of emptiness and despair. You’ve shared that we should allow and fully experience these emotions in a way that doesn’t affect others. So, for someone like me, who is still learning, how can I fully experience such overwhelming emotions when I’m not yet at 360-degree awareness—just at CAM 180? 😅
I’m stuck here. When I sit and observe, I end up clinging to the emotion and drowning in it. I can practice letting go with moderate emotions, but after a recent major upheaval, I’ve been facing waves of emptiness and despair that I can’t seem to handle.
Phan Ý Ly:
Don’t push it away. Don’t wish for it to end. Don’t even think about it ending. That is what it means to fully experience it.
Let go of seeking a “method” or a “way,” and that is fullness.
Questioner:
🙏❤️ I’ll continue practicing letting go. Thank you, chị. Have a lovely morning! ☺️
Phan Ý Ly: 🙏
Questioner:
Chị, I don’t know what’s wrong, but suddenly, I don’t know who I am anymore. Thoughts and emotions keep changing—they aren’t “me.” Even the recognition of their constant change feels influenced by the ego (a desire to grasp something). So, I don’t even know where I stand.
Phan Ý Ly:
Not knowing is good.
Knowing, however, is attachment!
Questioner:
I suddenly feel utterly lost and adrift. How can practice leave me feeling even more uncertain?
Phan Ý Ly:
Your ability to observe all these states is already good.
The “not knowing” you’re experiencing is actually the ego struggling because it cannot label or grasp, so it begins to surrender.
That very Not Knowing is the realm of Knowing Beyond Knowledge or Experience.
Questioner:
❤️ Really? Earlier, I was sitting before the altar and suddenly burst into tears because I didn’t know who I was, what I should do, or how to proceed. I felt utterly alone. I’ll take a deep breath and return to the present. Thank you for always being there for me and everyone else.
Phan Ý Ly:
The sense of security you’ve always had—knowing who you are, what to do, and how to do it—is the ego’s false comfort, clinging to the illusion of “self” (knowing who you are) and “attainments” (clinging to what you should do and how).
When you let go of all seeking, as I’ve guided you, the illusion of self and its attainments shatters. At that moment, the ego resists, feeling lost and ungrounded.
By now, it has probably reasserted itself, hasn’t it? Haizzz.
Questioner:
😓
Phan Ý Ly:
Take a deep breath and cling to some theory to reassure the ego again.
But even in that ungroundedness, it’s still the present moment. If you get swept into explaining “lostness” or “not knowing,” and can’t accept it, take another deep breath, anchor yourself in your breath, and continue living with a peaceful ego.
Questioner:
🫢
Phan Ý Ly:
Later, when you no longer force yourself to cling to plans or definitions of yourself, you’ll understand why the “lostness” you fear now is what the Buddha calls freedom without barriers.
For an awakened mind, it’s liberation without hindrance. For an ordinary mind, it’s unbearable because there’s no foothold, leading to fear of being lost.
Questioner:
🫢 The ego said: “So close, yet I didn’t grasp it.” But it’s good that I understand what it is now and won’t fear it if it comes again.
Phan Ý Ly:
Exactly.
It’s like a child accustomed to the tight comfort of the womb who panics when born into the open world. Many people, startled by this existential shift, trap themselves in the prison of their minds for the rest of their lives, seeking false security.
Just remember this: rely on nothing.
When you feel adrift, it’s because you’ve lost your footing. The moment you seek something to cling to, attachment begins.
Questioner:
🙄
Phan Ý Ly:
Don’t get stuck in false security.
Questioner:
That explains why I’ve been stuck for so long—I always plan everything, even though I know it’s not the way. It’s all about control to feel secure, afraid of making mistakes, getting lost, or letting go completely. What if letting go entirely leads me back to being totally unmindful, careless, and indulgent, like before?
Phan Ý Ly:
Huệ Khả cut off his arm to request Bodhidharma’s guidance.
Huệ Khả said: “Master, please calm my mind.”
Bodhidharma asked: “Where is your mind? Bring it to me, and I will calm it.”
Huệ Khả couldn’t find it and replied: “I can’t find it.”
Bodhidharma said: “I have calmed your mind for you.”
Huệ Khả was enlightened at that moment.
Quite the tuition fee, huh?
Questioner:
🙂↕️
Honestly, I still don’t fully grasp what it means to let go completely while staying mindful. But I’m not rushing. It’s like you’ve given me a fruit-carving knife. Even if you guide me in detail, I still need to practice to refine my skill. At least now I have the right tool instead of grabbing scissors or a ruler.
When I mess up, I’ll ask for guidance again, and eventually, I’ll carve beautifully.
Phan Ý Ly:
Haven’t you already experienced letting go completely while staying mindful?
Were you unconscious then, or fully aware?
Questioner:
🫢
Phan Ý Ly:
Practice is the only way to truly realize it.
No matter how sharp my words are, they’re just like a laser beam pointed at the moon. 😂
Questioner:
Sometimes I manage, but other times I still flounder.
Phan Ý Ly:
Don’t strive for perfection. Just knowing is enough. Let the stew simmer in its own time.
Questioner:
Yes! 😘😘😘 When the madness comes, it drowns me, but otherwise, I’m relatively clear-headed. 😘😘
Phan Ý Ly:
Haha, alright.
Questioner:
🙏❤️
Phan Ý Ly: 🙏
Phan Y Ly 