As I picked up my eldest son from the airport, our conversation unintentionally delved into the topics of depression and suicide among adolescents. My son, now 14 years old, had previously mentioned a friend who had been diagnosed with depression and was on medication.

Every time my son and I went somewhere together, whether on a motorbike or in a car, our conversations inevitably revolved around subjects like the subconscious mind, spirituality, religion, and psychology. What I’m sharing with you now is just one of the many conversations we’ve had over the years.

This type of conversation between us had its origins when he was just 4 years old and asked me a profound question: “Mom, do you know what ‘nothingness’ looks like? If you answer ‘White or Black,’ it’s all wrong because nothingness can’t show you anything.”

It was this innocent query that initiated a series of conversations about consciousness and spirituality between us.

In our recent conversation about depression and suicide, I’d like to present it in segments with titles for ease of understanding:

Life and its Meaning

Me: Dion, there has been some heartbreaking news recently about a 16-year-old boy who took his own life. This story has shocked many people, and it got me thinking about the increasing number of teenagers experiencing psychological issues. As a teenager yourself, what are your thoughts?

Dion: You’re right, Mom. I have about 3 or 4 friends who have either experienced depression or had thoughts of suicide. It seems quite common.

Me: Do you know why they feel this way?

Dion: Well, I’ve heard them say that life feels meaningless or for other reasons I may not know.

Me: Yes, I’ve heard similar reasons from many people. Many struggle to find the meaning of life and consider it a rationale for ending their own lives.

Dion: Yes.

Me: Dion, do you understand that the “meaning of life” is essentially our minds creating various stories, attempting to connect, compare, distinguish, synthesize, and interpret the data we receive through our senses, experiences, and life situations? Depending on our past experiences or data, our minds provide different interpretations, what we call “the meaning of life.”

Dion: Yes.

Me: However, in reality, life is inherently meaningless. Each moment we experience holds its own unique significance. When we try to bundle these moments together and label them with definitions and interpretations, it’s often because we haven’t fully appreciated and grasped life’s true beauty. We seek something higher, more spiritual, or a better meaning outside of this present moment.

Dion: I see what you mean.

Me: The truth is, we are already living and experiencing every change in our thoughts, emotions, and external circumstances. But those who can’t fully embrace this honest and complete experience continue to seek the so-called “meaning of life.” It’s like insisting that sunshine and rain are not enough, and they must come with a story to convince us that sunshine is sunshine and rain is rain!

Dion nodded in understanding.

The Mind and Its Programming

Me: What I’ve shared with you isn’t new. You and I have a history of discussing, learning, and practicing self-observation over the years. From a young age, you could distinguish and observe your inner world. You’d share moments when you noticed your limbs acting based on the inertia and programming of your mind. I bring this up because not everyone has this concept of observing the body and mind or understanding the distinction between imagination and reality. It may sound simple, but it’s a skill many lack, and we should approach them slowly, respecting their pace, rather than having spontaneous conversations like this one.

Me: A child under 3 years old doesn’t ask questions like “What is the meaning of life?” or “What is the purpose of this game?” They simply experience life fully when playing, feeling pain, or enjoying candy. They don’t concern themselves with the meaning of life; they just embrace life’s fullness. You can see your 3-year-old brother Leo, how he enjoys life in his own way.

Dion laughed, nodding.

Me: This state of being, transparent and carefree, experiencing life without attachment to thoughts, stories, or doctrines, doesn’t mean children are superior. In fact, a child’s brain hasn’t fully developed, so the parts responsible for complex thinking, analyzing, comparing, and contrasting haven’t taken control. These parts are what allow us to grasp, collect, remember, analyze, synthesize, summarize, and store conclusions based on past experiences and societal norms.

Me: Over time, these brain parts that handle analytical thinking develop, and life experiences shape a person’s ability to understand, collect, and analyze information. However, human brains are often imprecise in remembering and categorizing data, especially when not at ease. When faced with overwhelming or emotional experiences, our minds tend to group data and formulate conclusions based on past traumas or strong emotional events.

Me: For example, a person might believe “I feel devalued because of my unsatisfactory appearance.” This belief consists of multiple data points, such as past disparagement, societal beauty standards, and personal insecurities, all bundled together. Computers store data accurately, but human brains often jumble data and make hasty generalizations.

Me: Our mental world becomes an intricate maze of misconceptions, detached from reality, built over years with shallow beliefs, pains, fears, greed, despair, and false hopes. One mistake piles upon another, forming layers like tangled silk. Unfortunately, this is where many people find themselves, living in a complex mental world that disconnects them from immediate reality.

Dion continued to listen attentively.

Me: Much of this mental construction serves the purpose of immediate survival. For example, if a child experiences repeated trauma associated with a person wearing a white shirt, their mind may form a mental association with white shirts as a danger sign. This ability to make quick conclusions is crucial for immediate life-threatening situations. However, in the long run, these conclusions may no longer be accurate, and the person may continue to perceive white shirts as a threat if they don’t learn to see through their own mind’s programming.

Me: The human mind often retrieves inaccurate data when faced with overwhelming or emotional experiences. It tends to gather impressive data, lump them together, and create a summary conclusion, as seen in sensational headlines or beliefs based on partial information.

Me: In addition to the imprecision of mental programming, people often inherit survival knowledge from past generations through genetics. This knowledge is not always accurate or suitable for dealing with current challenges, but it’s deeply embedded in our DNA. It’s like receiving an old map that may no longer represent the terrain accurately.

Me: As you grow and your brain matures, you’ll encounter various ideologies, teachings, religions, and philosophies. They all come from the collective knowledge of humanity’s mental constructs. People debate, defend, and fight for these ideas, considering them the ultimate truth.

Dion nodded, acknowledging the complexity of the human mind.

Attachment to Thoughts and Beliefs

Me: Many people are deeply attached to their thoughts and beliefs, often confusing them with reality. They identify themselves with their thoughts and beliefs, believing that these constructs define who they are. This identification creates strong attachments, and when these attachments are challenged or threatened, it can lead to emotional turmoil, which we see in cases of depression and suicide.

Dion: So, it’s like they are imprisoned by their own minds?

Me: Exactly. People build their own mental prisons through identification with thoughts, beliefs, and the stories they create. They forget that they are the creators of these constructs and have the power to change them or let them go. This is where the concept of self-observation and self-awareness becomes crucial.

Dion seemed absorbed in the conversation, processing the information.

Detachment and Freedom

Me: By practicing self-observation and understanding the nature of thoughts, individuals can begin to detach themselves from their own mental constructs. They can start to see thoughts as passing clouds in the sky of their consciousness, rather than as absolute truths or definitions of their identity.

Dion: So, how can someone achieve this detachment?

Me: It begins with the awareness that thoughts and beliefs are not absolute or unchangeable. They are conditioned by past experiences, societal influences, and personal interpretations. When people realize this, they can start questioning their thoughts and beliefs, asking themselves whether these constructs serve their well-being and align with their true values.

Me: Detachment doesn’t mean suppressing thoughts or denying their existence. It means observing them without judgment, recognizing that they are temporary and not the essence of who we are. This process allows individuals to gain greater freedom and flexibility in their thinking.

Dion: So, if someone is experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts, this practice of detachment can help them?

Me: Absolutely. When someone is trapped in depression or overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts, it’s often because they have become deeply entangled with their own mental constructs and beliefs. By learning to detach and observe these thoughts from a place of non-judgmental awareness, they can begin to break free from the grip of depression and gain a sense of clarity and inner peace.

Dion smiled, appreciating the depth of the conversation.

The Journey to Self-Realization

Me: Dion, this journey of self-realization and detachment is a lifelong process. It’s not a quick fix, and it requires continuous self-reflection and practice. But as individuals become more aware of the nature of their thoughts and beliefs, they can experience a profound transformation in their lives.

Dion: Mom, I think it’s essential to share this understanding with others who may be struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts.

Me: I agree, Dion. It’s important to approach these conversations with empathy and patience, recognizing that each person’s journey is unique. By offering them the tools and insights to explore their own minds and detach from their mental constructs, we can help them move towards a place of greater inner freedom and enlightenment.

As we continued our drive, the sun began to set, casting a warm, golden glow over the horizon. Our conversation had touched on deep and profound topics, reminding us both of the importance of self-awareness and the potential for transformation that lies within each of us.