I realise that not only in women, men who receive penetration would not know what it’s like to be treated with love and respect, with awareness of energy and consciousness.

My communication with Eliott over 6 years about how I feel as a receiver.., and all the little and big aspects of sexual energy exchanges… actually only came very clear on this day, when Eliott became the one who receives and was penetrated.

Backdoor penetration has been a pleasure for Eliott since he was young, but he didn’t tell anyone and just acted on his own, until I took the initiative to ask him 6 years ago. For many years I experimented and created many opportunities for us to be satisfied with this, and although he was extremely happy, it was only today that Eliott overcame his shyness and was willing to open up for me to take backdoor penetration to the next level.

With the help of a strap-on dildo, I guided Eliott in positioning himself, how to expand his body, how to breathe, how to open his channels.. and absorb me. On my part I immensely enjoyed and saw the impact of me slowly merging to him.

When he was fully and almost hypnotized in the energy resonance, I talked to him about how a man failed to realize this wonderful thing when penetrating a woman, and I asked him if he wanted me to try what he thought was the “sublimation” of rubbing his penis against the vagina.

He agreed and I tried, even though it was only at 50% intensity, he immediately said stop, he realized that his whole body was in spasm, the anus was constricted and the feeling was only resistance.

“Your anus is still very virgin, so it is quite sensitive. Imagine all the vaginas of women who asked you to violently fuck them from start to finish when you first met. How these vagina had frozen and how hard it had became after many years of “training” I said.

Eliott also realized his great euphoria and sensibility is gone after I gave him the “porn-standard” fuck, he went numb, his energy was broken, and his anus became extremely tensed up and full of resistance.

“Notice how your anus receives me, now they still have sensations, not euphoria but resistance. When you use reason to trick yourself such as “But I still have sensations”, you would honor this reactionary resistance, and in the long run, you would also have an anus as stiff as steel, like most women’s vaginas had become, and the only thing you get is the pleasure of being beaten and abused”.

Then I spent the remaining 30 minutes to bring Eliott back to the original relaxed and ecstatic state.

Eliott later wrote a diary on this. I also could notice how he has become so much calmer, more loving, gentle, and passionate in the whole day, in the way he play with our son and how he does other activities.

“Today i felt completely new sensations : radiating comfort and relaxation. I felt all my muscles relaxed, with a muscle tension close to 0. I felt full, i felt touched with warmth and lightness, i felt goose bumbs all over, i felt electrically charging. I felt my breath deep and loud.

For the first time i was really giving my body fully to Ly. I striped completely of control and excpecation and want and desire. I was only sensation, my mind was abolutely blank, i learned to breath with my moaning and i felt my whole being be cared for, embraced and loved. Taken with attention and respect.

I realise how gentle, simple, regular, steady, present and deep penetration is so ecstatic. How physical embrace during penetration can make one melt, how the partner’s touch feels safe and allow trust and depth of connection.

I realise how harmful is rough penetration for the receiver. How it leads to defensive body mechanism of increased muscle tension to shield from the pain; and how this mechanisms lead to genital numbness.

I see how Ly led me in warm gentleness and kindness, she made me feel safe and respected, paid attention to and listened to. She gave me chances to feedback and kept being connected with me through touch, eye contact and voice. I could feel her love. I am so touched.

Since this afternoon, i feel my heart extremely light and full. I feel calmness and peace inside.”